Every summer, about two weeks before the beginning of school, the phone lights up at an alarming rate. With staggered start dates around the country, the concerns about back-to-school anxiety come in waves and continue through most of the fall. Good news: you’re not alone.
Take a second grade boy, for example. He loved kindergarten. He liked first grade. Just weeks before the first day of second grade, he declared that he had no intention of going to school anymore. At first, his parents thought it was cute and funny. Most kids would choose endless summer over homework and sitting still all day, after all. Within days of this declaration, however, his behavior changed.
Nearly every night, he would awaken from dreams. His hunger faded. He stopped having fun, like playing with his sister in the sprinkler and practicing his soccer kicks in the backyard. He started to cling to me more and more, whined a lot, and was frequently agitated. He was worried.
Anxiety feelings are completely normal and expected during transitional periods. I encounter separation anxiety in elementary and high school students, despite the misconception that it only affects toddlers and young children. Additionally, back-to-school stress can last all the way until high school!
shifts in dietary patterns
sleep disruption
clinging behavior tantrums or meltdowns
headaches or stomachaches, skin picking, or nail biting
avoiding routine daily tasks
higher irritation
heightened crying
social exclusion
Get a diagnosis if your child displays any of these symptoms for longer than two weeks. While many kids can overcome their back-to-school worry on their own, kids require support when anxiety starts to interfere with their normal daily activities.
How to Manage Back-to-School Stress
When it comes to putting an end to those back-to-school fears, consistency and routines are always a fantastic place to start! To assist your child in adjusting to the new school year, try some of these strategies:
Attend class (and arrive on time!). It’s common to worry before a new school year begins, but it’s crucial that students go to class every day. You might be tempted to give it another go after a particularly bad tantrum, but keeping your child home from school will just make their anxiety worse. Your child loses the opportunity to learn, make friends, have a successful school day, and form a bond with the instructor if they miss class due to anxiety.
Regain the fundamentals. Being hungry or worn out makes it very difficult to feel in control, secure, and at ease. Children who are anxious may have trouble sleeping and eat a little less. As a result, parents must continue to provide those fundamentals for children.
Set earlier bedtimes for everyone in the family, make sure there is enough rest each day, and offer balanced meals and healthy snacks with plenty of time to eat them. For youngsters, eating on the go is stressful.
Give yourself more time in the mornings. Children who are anxious don’t like to be hustled or be late. Your child should be able to get up with plenty of time to eat, get dressed, and be ready for the day now that you’ve moved their bedtime early.
Establish wholesome bedtime rituals to make mornings easy. Time-saving strategies for worried children include picking out clothes at night, preparing snacks and filling water bottles, packed the backpack and setting it by the door.
Avoid making generalizations. It’s tempting to say things like, “Don’t worry about it!” or “You’ll love it!” when children express concerns about school. Worriers are rarely reassured by these statements. Addressing individual concerns with is a preferable course of action with your child.
Kids feel more confidence when parents take the time to listen and assist them in coming up with solutions to challenges. Draw a map of the lunchroom with your child and talk about options if, for instance, he is concerned about where to sit at lunch.
Role-play. Practice taking charge of stressful situations if you want to master worrying. Have your youngster make a list of concerns about school and role-play several solutions. I like to have youngsters try out two or three solutions for each issue so they have a backup alternative at all times.
Watch what you say. Children want guidance from their parents. On the first day of school, if you seem stressed and overwhelmed, your kid will probably follow your lead.
At the start of the school year, parents’ concerns are very understandable. Take the time to discuss sentiments and concerns as a family rather than focusing excessively on the potential drawbacks or pretending everything is fine. Families who process their emotions collectively strengthen one another.
Families may experience stress due to back-to-school worry. The nervousness typically subsides as the child gets used to the new school year. Get treatment if the anxiety doesn’t go away. Instead of suffering in silence and struggling through the academic year, it is far preferable to learn how to control nervous sensations.
How to Handle a Difficult First Day of School
During the first week of school, kids experience a wide range of emotions, including enthusiasm, fear, and worry. Therefore, it might be overwhelming when anything goes wrong, such as when someone pronounces their name incorrectly or they don’t comprehend the directions, or when they forget to go home or lose their meal on the floor.
Here are four suggestions to help kids adjust to returning to school.
1. Explain beforehand what to expect.
According to Fred Rogers, children may better prepare themselves for the future when they are aware of what will happen and what won’t. They are able to reflect on it and adjust to their sentiments.
Give your youngster a straightforward, realistic description of what school will be like. Who are their professors’ names? What kind of morning routine can you expect at home? What will they need to pack every day in their backpack? How are they going to get to school? Will they eat something for lunch? How will they travel back home?
Watch the Daniel Tiger episode about the start of the school year where his mother sings, “When we do something new, let’s talk about what we’ll do.” Or you could both read back-to-school books like:
Daniel Tiger Book: Daniel Goes to School, by Becky Friedman
Audrey Penn’s The Kissing Hand
By Kevin Henkes, Wemberly Worried
Derrick Barnes’ The King of Kindergarten
When you explain what to expect, you may address many of their unsaid concerns and better guide your child through any unforeseen situations that may happen.
2. Get ready for strong feelings.
The effort required to settle into a new routine and get to know new classmates and professors is considerable. Most kids need six weeks to get used to a new school year, as one of my favorite kindergarten teachers frequently reminds parents. These temper tantrums after school are typical and do not indicate that the student is struggling in the classroom.
Kids frequently suppress their feelings throughout the day. After all, you’ve spent years assisting them in creating behavior management and group-working tactics. But surely, they experience anxiety, sadness, or confusion on a daily basis as a result of at least one event. In the comfort of home, those emotions frequently explode. Establish an after-school schedule that includes a snack and some downtime. And if your child does experience a meltdown, remain calm and at their side. After the storm has passed, we can assist them in processing their feelings.
3. Convey your assurance in them.
Children pick up on our emotions and use them as guidelines for how to respond. They will recognize this if we convey our confidence in them.
Like every other parent in America last year, I was extremely anxious about what the upcoming school year would hold. I told my incoming first-grader, however, the night before the first day of school: “I am so excited for all the books you are going to read, all the words you are going to write, all the pictures you are going to draw, all the structures you are going to build, all the math you are going to learn, and all the ways you will become stronger, kinder, and more responsible. I enjoy seeing how you develop.
You can also convey your faith in someone when something goes wrong by saying something like, “Thanks for telling me what happened.” Together, we’ll work out the details.
Wow, that sounds like a difficult circumstance at recess. You were right to inform your teacher.
Although you were quite anxious, you succeeded. You’re really courageous.
It can be really frustrating to learn something new. But you persist in trying. That is tenacity.
4. Speak with the instructor.
The parent-teacher relationship is essential to a child’s development. Contact your child’s teacher if you see that they are having academic, social, or emotional difficulties. Please get in touch if you have any questions about the classroom or your child’s development. You can get in touch with us before the first parent-teacher conference.
What do you want me to know about your child? was the question I would pose in an August letter to parents when I taught elementary school. What are a few of their assets and passions? Do they have any expectations or concerns about school? Since becoming a father, I now write my own email every year, including some information on my children that I believe will be beneficial for the teacher.
Finally, if you as the parent are anxious about the beginning of a new year, it is very natural. We all put in so much effort to care for our children that we occasionally need a reminder to attend to our personal needs as well. A pediatrician once said that “the most crucial component of our children’s emotional wellbeing is our emotional wellbeing.” Self-care is not being a jerk.